FOR u left me in HALf>

My eyes suddenly opened. It was dark all around and it took me a moment to know where was I and what was around me. At first it struck me that why there wasn’t the familiarity of my own room where I had spent 23years of my life.

And then as I got adjusted to the darkness of the room and the slight rays of the streetlights casting eerie shadows all over the room and the bed I shared with…oh wait ,I just remembered that I was not alone here. He was sleeping besides me. The sound of his breathing filled my ears and I almost found it equivalent to noise, noise enough to hurt my ears. My hand moved to tuck back a strand of hair and I realised that I was sweating. There were brows of sweat all over my forehead. And then it struck me, that what had woken me up in this peaceful night was a dream. A dream that I had locked and sealed in my heart since the start of this new life. A memory that I thought would have faded by now. But I was wrong. I remember every moment of it. every second ..Every breath ..Every touch..

I shivered. I felt I was drowning, drowning in this sea of memories although I tried my best to stay where I was, I was being sucked into it. I could see his eyes, those jet black eyes staring at me. I could feel those shivers that had rushed through my adolescent body years ago. I could feel his heart beating as it had on those days when he would hug me close. Those hands that would reassure me that he would hold me near forever. STOP..STOP. I was holding back but tears started to fall down. All of a sudden I was missing him,I wanted him near me to hold me again,to hold me near and wipe my tears and say softly”I love u dear and I am here for you.”

YES, he loved me too. But he was my HUSBAND, not the hero of my teenage love story. There was care, I am sure about it. But if one asks me about love ..I wasn’t too sure. Maybe he loved me,, but I needed love in a different way. I wanted him to take me out on dates, and get me flowers and tell me that he loves me. I want him to be a kid with me, to dance around with me, to fool around and maybe just sometimes ‘let loose’. I remembered those walks in the rain holding our hands,I remembered those shy glances and quick kisses…I wanted them all now. I needed them ..I wanted them to be a part of my life..

He woke up and saw me frightened and worried. He sat up and gently shook me and passed me the bottle of water. I drank some of it and tried to control my tears but they just wont stop. I wanted Him here not this man my parents fell in love with. Yes,I was being MEAN,very mean for this man had given me all that I could ask for but I wasn’t whole enough to love him back.i wasn’t in a state to trust him, to care for him and to love him. I wasn’t stroung enough to let love rise through every stream of my blood. For I could never let him go,never could I understand why he broke my heart and yet took away a large chunk of it and never cared to return it back. He had left me incomplete . he had taken off so much that I could never ever think of ….
Why did you come in if you had to go off so soon? And if you had to go,then why did u take so much from me and never ever let me be complete?NO,don’t come back now.for it would only create more havoc for me and my family..yes ,he is now my family…completely,maybe not..but I still will try to LOVE him>